I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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