im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you inspire me to be a worse person
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
