Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
