it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
