we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
