Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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