More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
