you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
