Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
