my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
