We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
