Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
