dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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