oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
