I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
