i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
