NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i think im in europe. pls send help
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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