Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Randomize
