i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
