Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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