accomplished twins. life is a go
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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