he thought i was a dude.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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