Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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