If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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