I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
