Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
