Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
