VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
