I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
