She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
