you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
