She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
