If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
