I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
