TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
