my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
