Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
