so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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