I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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