We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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