This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Who died my cat blue again?
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