I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
