Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
