I'm so fucking centered right now
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This couple is walking their pig around campus
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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