i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
