Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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