I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
