I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
