I hate all girls vehemently.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
