You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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